"I haven't ****ed all year"

Oh the hilarity! If you enjoyed my first attempt at blogging, you're sure to love the second! This was written the very next day, on January 1st 2007. It has been sanitized for your protection, and insanitized for your amusement. Please refrain from operating heavy machinery while reading.

January 1, 2007
"I haven't ****ed all year"

Oh Hi! Come on in...I was expecting you. Welcome back. :)

Isn't it  hard to believe that it's 2007 already? Remember back in 2006 when I started blogging? Time moves soooo fast --it feels like just yesterday, doesn't it?. ;)

Normally I would now offer you some of my finest pearls of humor in the form of my traditional but lame new years jokes. You know the kind, -- two minutes into the new year and you say things like, "I haven't showered all year" or "I haven't eaten all year" and there is always one huckleberry in the bunch that doesn't get it right away and thinks that you are just an unhygienic anorexic freak that decided to over-share for the new year. After a little prodding in the form of.... "Get it?... we are five minutes into the new year...I have been standing right here all year....get it?" and finally we are all on the same page again.

Then everyone in the room has to give it a try in an effort to out-funny everyone else until someone inevitably says something along the lines of "I haven't pooped all year" at which point every last drop of humor has been effectively drained from the lifeless corpse of the joke, everyone softly groans while one awkward person laughs a little too long and hard at the poop humor before the room falls completely silent, and the comedy sketch draws to a close.

But I will spare you that little bit of lametastic chit-chat and move on to far more pressing issues.

You and I both know what day it is, so lets not delay this any further. It is time to discuss New Year's resolutions. I've put far more thought into it this year than in any other year, and this time I think I have finally figured it out.


This year my New Year's resolutions are to gain weight, exercise less, spend more time on the computer, make less money and to ultimately become a complete and total hermit.

I really feel good about this. It's my year -- I can feel it.

I'm also feeling sleepy and a little bit grumpy -- maybe even a little bit dopey. There are probably other dwarves I am feeling, but I'll never admit to it. So I will leave you now with that lovely mental imagery of cartoon dwarf molestation done in the timeless style of a feature length animated Disney classic.

I'm off to bed....
Keep cool my babies.

-Jenny